Mediocrity Strikes!


One-Eyed, Insane, Crying, Praying, Papal-Lovers
July 17, 2008, 11:38 pm
Filed under: Humor

Hard to believe the time is already upon us again!
That’s right! World Youth Day festivities are in full swing, and the world’s rejoicing!

Ahh… World Youth Day…

Yeh… it… it happens every year…

Never heard of it?

That’s alright, because this year it is being held in Sydney, and as such a visit from the Pope has turned what was an obscenely large collection of drunks, gambling addicts, and dodgy millionaires, all living in the hedonistic [not to mention *gasp* homosexual] capital of the Southern Hemisphere, into a joyful orgy of pious, virtuous, God-fearing pillars of Christianity.

I’m not saying the city of Sydney has gone Pope-mad, but I’m pretty sure I saw the Grand Mufti running naked down the street holding a signed photo of Benedict XVI shouting “I HEART YOU SO GOSH-DARN MUCH JEEBUS! SHOWER ME IN YOUR DIVINE LOVE!”

Ignoring the obviously awful title of this post, there is a layer of mediocrity hanging over the collective heads of Australia’s population. Like a thick Beijing smog, it infiltrates the country’s media… a flotilla of gooey pitifulness, stinking up the place like a Beijing Blue-Green-Alge outbreak [clearly Beijing is disgusting, I’ll leave them alone for now].

Not long ago, Pope Benji arrived at Sydney airport, immediately holding a press conference, naturally enough, in the cabin of the airplane…

…where, to the Pontiff’s surprise, he was challenged to a freestyle rap battle by the head of Australia’s Catholic church, The MC Arch-Bishop Tabernacle.

Pope Benji couldn’t back down now… not after he worked so hard to get to where he is… so he looked deep down inside. “Christ,” he thought, “I wish there was some sort of almighty higher being I could turn to in desperate times!”

Unable to think of anyone… he went with his gut instinct…

Yo… yo… argh… yee… what.. what..

You think yo so great, you might aswell quit
Cos when it comes to bustin’ that Papal shit
Ich get down mit da boys, chillin’ mit ze Cardinals
Drinkin sacremental wine while hearin’ confessionals

You think you’re so great MC Tabernacle
You’re country’s full of sinners, this nation is a rabble
I’m gonna set you straight here’s the 4-1-1
I’m gonna cap your ass with the Lord’s one and only son!

CROWD: “WHOOOOOOAAAA!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT?!?!?! YOU GOT SERVED MU’FUKKAAA!!”

Yeeee… what.. what… how you like it now?

*Drops mic, walks off plane*

In all seriousness, this whole World Youth Day thing is getting a touch crazy right now, some might even say scenes of anarchy are breaking out…

“Oh God… get back! Get back! Ladies! We don’t want this to get ugly now do we?
Hey.. HEY! I already told you Myrtle… just keep the shortbread biscuits in the tin, and you will see the Pope… you’re adults for God’s- I er mean Gosh’s sake.”

Though not everyone is taking the same approach… these people decided to express their admiration for the Pontiff by erecting a sign facing away from the airport, so the Pope could not possibly even hope to see it.

Yep, life’s good for the leader of the Catholic church. If I didn’t enjoy drinking, swearing, being lazy, earning money, having sex, watching porn, wearing normal clothes and picking on people weaker than myself,  I wouldn’t mind being the Pope.

Not least for that hella-comfy looking toilet! ^^^

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